‘William Thomas’ Archives
Marriage – apparently we’re not too keen on it
The institution of marriage is in serious trouble. Larry King is dating again. Seriously and according to the latest dwindling numbers, that venerable institution that legally allows two people to come together for the purpose of living under one roof and procreating and okay, playing naked charades while watching The Lawrence Welk Show, that [...]
The people/pets look alike contest
“It’s an old, old story: I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that, too.” What kind of a book begins with a sentence like that? A terrific true story about best friends, love, loss, grief and the goodness of dogs. Let’s Take The Long Way Home by Boston writer Gail Coldwell is an exquisitely [...]
The pest bart of redding the pepper are the missteaks
Headline: “Roger Clemens arrives for hearing on steroids.” In this case, both the intended message and the mistake are highly possible. Yes, some days the best part of reading the paper is discovering the bloopers, those insidious little gremlins that creep into news copy as bleary-eyed reporters and editors rush to deadline on a buzz of [...]
U.S. President Donald Trump today
Watching America in the throes of a political nervous breakdown, I could imagine almost any wild and whacky 2012 presidential scenario except one involving Donald Trump. In fact, I envisioned Sarah Palin taking such an early Republican lead that Democrat Oprah Winfrey would have to jump into the race to stop her and Will Ferrell would slip up the [...]
Frosty the snowman’s head just exploded
It is not the best of times, it is not the worst of times, but it is by far the whitest of times in this the winter of shivery, shovelry with more snow and sub-zero weather on the way. Record low temperatures, record high snowfalls, flurries, freezing rain, mind-boggling wind chill and drifting – and that was this afternoon. They showed [...]
“Good evening. Can you hear me in the back?
“I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking. But I strongly object when they start shaking them to make certain they are still going.” The British Lord Birkett. Been there, seen that, had to talk louder than the lady on her cell phone. Making a living at the microphone is not as easy as it looks. Last month, [...]
Hiking and hunting – not a good mix
Ten years ago I backpacked across New Zealand’s Abel Tasman National Park, a splendid three-day trek. A day of kayaking along South Pacific bays from Torrent to Tonga and cruising into coves covered by reeking heaps of sea lion dung – not so splendid. Five years ago, I hiked around the island of Madeira to escape Christmas and it was a [...]
Helpful Tips for a great 2011
It’s going to be a good year, 2011. All the experts, from economists to behaviorists say so. Of course how tough could it be to beat 2010, a year that began with BP pumping 30 million gallons of oil into the Tank of Mexico, saw hot ash rising from a berg called Iceland and ended with Jingles, from the old Roy Rogers Show being elected mayor of [...]
The most curious quotes of 2010
They were the source of some very queer quotes this past year, the rich and the famous. Some were serious. “Are you serious?” asked Lindsay Lohan after a judge sentenced the 24-year-old Rodeo Drive street urchin to 90 days in jail. Some couldn’t possibly be serious. “I thought it was gum,” said Paris Hilton after being arrested [...]
Unfortunately, we now need a dress code for dogs
They’re dressing them up, they’re making them over and in the process they’re wearing them down. People, people, these are your pets not Barbie dolls or stuffed animals! Oh wait, there goes a sheep dog with his legs and ears dyed black and his eyes heavily made up with mascara to make him look like a panda bear. It’s the latest fad in [...]
